News from afar

Well the festival is almost over, I’m tired and emotional and yearning for sleep, healthy food, sunlight, solitude, free time, etc. I received two pieces of significant news today which knocked me for six. Firstly, my uncle Jonathan died last night, in the UK. He has had Cancer for some time and was ill, but he was also a strong-willed guy, and I was more shocked than I thought I would be. Because it’s such a crucial time at the festival I didn’t want anyone to know, but I had to explain why I was late to the Closing Night tech rehearsal this morning to Nick, the Operations Manager, and why my eyes were red. He was really lovely, and he sneaked me out of the office in the afternoon and took me for some illicit tea and cake to cheer me up. I just feel so far away from my family at this time, and feel powerless to do anything about it. I have a letter written to Jonathan and Maggie sitting on my desk in my other office (we’ve relocated for the festival) and it’s been sitting there for weeks – I just haven’t had the time to go to the post office. (Now I’m reading that back and it looks so lame. I didn’t have time. Now I’ll never see Jonathan again, and that letter will sit there, never read, I’ll never have communicated the sentiments in that letter to him.) I’m thinking about Maggie, and Catherine and Patrick, my mum, and granny, and I wish I wasn’t 15,000 miles away, I wish I could say goodbye with you all. I will take myself out for a bracing cliff-top walk after the festival and say goodbye from over here.

Rest in peace Jonathan ‘Jack’ Daniels.

And the second piece of news I received today was joyous, but it also made me feel sad. Sam and Liz announced their engagement, from a little beach in Brazil. I’m not the least bit surprised, and I think it’s the best thing ever. But it has also made me acutely aware of how far away I am, and how I won’t be there to welcome you when you return from your travels. Give me plenty of notice of the date, guys! Or better still, make it coincide with Cannes so I can come over on a work trip ;-)

So now I’m tired, emotional, drained, dealing with the day-to-day shit of the festival wrap-up, and I haven’t even got time to write to or email the people I love and communicate with them. Every festival I disappear into the festival whirlwind and emerge on the other side, after 3 months of hell, and re-engage with friends and family. Today’s news is making me look at how I deal with my life, my job, and my friendships. How I allow things to be all-consuming.

Ok so this is definitely the most sombre blog I’ve ever written. Sorry but I have to be so strong at work so I need to let this out somewhere… Ok I’d better go, the phone is ringing and I should be elsewhere.

Love to you all.

cx